I Submit to Thee

I think in life we all have an inherent need to feel... protected.. safe.. and above all, that someone is watching out for us. We naturally have this in our mothers, fathers, and other family and friends. But there are certain things, certain dangers, that they simply can't protect us from. Waking up in the middle of the night to sounds of intruders in your house, hearing footsteps creeping up behind you as you are walking to your car, or hearing gunshots in the distance as you tuck your children in at night. What do we do when we are facing such things in our own backyard? Do we hide and shy away from doing the things we love to do or do we take a stand and support the one person who can lead us into a safer, brighter future and who will always be watching out for us?

As the great Margaret Thatcher once said, "In politics if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman." And in walks that woman. Rose Mary Parham.

I was honored last night to attend an event for Rose Mary here in Florence. The turn out was great, the BBQ delicious, but the one thing that made the evening special was hearing Rose Mary speak. Her public speaking skills rival those of any other politician currently running for office. And there's a reason for that. She isn't a politician. She isn't the status quo. Rose Mary is simply not running for the usual reason of obtaining some title, she is running for Solicitor of Florence and Marion counties because she genuinely cares about the community, about people, and about keeping us all safe. How do I know this? Simple.

You can hear it in her voice and see it in her face when she speaks about violence in our cities and about the gangs that are trying to steal the innocence of our communities. The sounds of children playing in the streets and couples taking leisurely strolls after dinner in the moonlight are no more. Instead we have children inside before darkness falls and couples opting for a night in where the safety of deadbolts and alarm systems provide some sense of security. When you look at Rose Mary Parham, you don't see merely a woman or a politician or even just another candidate vying for your vote. You see the heart and soul of a fighter. A warrior. A person who will stop at nothing to protect the people for whom she cares about. And those people, my friends, are you and me. Her warmth and caring nature emanate throughout a room and as our next Solicitor, her light will shine all over these two great counties and no longer will we have to live in the shadows afraid to come out of the darkness and into the light.

Woody Knows Best

I recently went to the movies after not having been for many months. I typically tend to stay away from places that have the nerve to charge $100 for a small popcorn (ok so maybe not $100, but close...) but I decided to brave the screaming kids, crying babies, and unruly teenagers and see a movie. So many choices, so little time.... What movie did I finally decide on? Toy Story 3... Now I have not seen Toy Story 1 or 2 so I was hoping I would be able to keep up. Luckily, the storyline was easy to follow, the babies kept their crying to a minimum and I splurged and ordered some nachos (I had to fill out 54 pages of paperwork in order to take out a loan to get them though...). I walked out of the theatre that night with a lot on my mind. The movie, as cute and funny as it was, made ya' think. Watching Woody and Buzz and the rest of the gang (except for that creepy monkey) got me thinking about loyalty. If a few talking toys on the big screen can teach us that being loyal to yourself, to your family, and to your friends is important, how can we apply that lesson to our everyday lives? And even more importantly, how can we incorporate loyalty into the political world? Can we really have loyal politicians or are we doomed to live in a world where, if we want to see true loyalty, we must pull out our Woody and Buzz action figures?

That question was answered last night when I attended a Public Hearing in Johnsonville, SC. The hearing was to focus on the Francis Marion Statue project (A project that has now taken on a life of it's own). Now, my friends, I will not get into all the financial details of the project (you can read those elsewhere), instead I want to focus on the loyalty of the elected officials in Johnsonville. Did they stay loyal last night to the people who put them in the positions they are in and to the people who they represent or were they so focused on their own personal agendas, they forgot they work FOR the people and not AGAINST the people. I will let you be the judge. Here you have the majority of the citizens of Johnsonville simply making one request of their public officials. Please don't start any project of any kind, statue or no statue, until you have 100% of the money in the bank. The citizens just want to make sure they aren't stuck with the bill when the council's empty promises of money magically appearing out of thin air turn out to be just that... Empty Promises... Last night the Johnsonville City Council sounded more like a mafia family in Old New York instead of a group of honest, loyal, and faithful servants of the people (The Godfather being the current mayor). I repeatedly heard the words, "Anonymous" and "I can't say" and "Remain Nameless". When you work for someone, just as elected officials work for the people, you must be transparent and forthcoming with all information pertaining to any and all decisions that affect the people you work for. Backroom deals and nameless figures have no place in politics. That being said, the South Carolina political world is mostly made up of backroom deals and nameless, shady figures. If some of our own statewide Republican candidates and elected officials can't remain loyal to the people and can't be transparent and forthcoming, how can we expect local council members to? What would Woody and Buzz say if they could see us now?

Last night the Johnsonville City Council turned it's back on the people. All except for one man. One lone wolf who decided to stray from the pack and go it on his own. They call this wolf, this man, this enigma.... The Maverick... Councilman Brad Richardson was the only member of council who voted against moving forward with this project. And, in my opinion, he did that for one reason and one reason alone. He, above all others on Council, knows the true meaning of loyalty. He knows the people of Johnsonville are all looking to him to be their voice and he will not let them down nor will he fail them. The people of Johnsonville simply asked council to wait until they had the Francis Marion Statue project 100% fully funded and cash in hand, before moving forward. And that is exactly the way Brad Richardson voted last night. He voted for the people and with the people. He gave them a voice and even though he and the people of Johnsonville lost the battle last night, the war is not over. Watching Councilman Richardson sit at the big folding table with his fellow council members, him dressed in a shirt and tie, and them dressed as if they were going to the beach or just got in from working all day in the yard, I realized something. This is the first time I have seen, first hand and up close, a real live LOYAL politician. Now, yes, I have had my favorites this election year, but I realize now, I have yet to see ANY politicians in action who were truly loyal to the people they represent. That is, until last night. I saw that in the Maverick. I can only pray that, as our Republican brothers and sisters are out there campaigning this year, they remember people like The Maverick and Woody and Buzz and realize that loyalty, above all else, is all that we, the people, want from them. I don't care if you had an affair 20 years ago or if you wear brown shoes with a black belt. Just be honest, upfront, and always remain loyal.

Sex and Money

As Janet slowly unbuttoned her silk blouse, her ample bosom heaving with intense passion, Mark's throbbing..... Ok, I know you must be thinking, what in the heck am I reading?? And why is Mark throbbing?? Isn't there a pill for that?? Well, my friends, in the world of South Carolina politics, it seems as though some politicians are more and more resembling cheesy characters out of a 99 cent romance novel, rather than serious political figures. Which brings me to ask myself, "When do we know we have gone too far and can we get back to where we need to be?" Let's explore this...

Do you ever get that feeling late at night, when you are in bed alone, that someone is watching you through the window? You get up, slowly walking towards the door to make your escape and as you turn around to take one last glance back, you swear you see a dark figure dashing across the room.... That's how I, and many others, feel these days as we circumnavigate the South Carolina political arena. Who can I trust? Are people who they say they are? Why is this person being so nice to me when I don't even know them? These are questions we must ask ourselves daily if we intend to survive and live to see another day. It's survival of the fittest out there, my friends. And we must arm ourselves with the proper weaponry and educate ourselves in the ways of the world. Career politicians as well as career political staffers confuse me. And amuse me. And sometimes, make me nauseous... So who are these cast of characters????

As I attend different political events, I survey the crowd and what do I see? Not men, or women, or children... I see characters. People, in general, are their own characters. They have a back story, motives of their own, and above all, each and every person has something that makes them unique. There are some characters which repeat themselves. For example, at every political event, you will see the eager young lad who will work 'till his knuckles bleed and his shirt is dripping with sweat in the hopes that someone will notice and give him his big break (He secretly wants to be you and the first chance he gets, there goes the knife in your back...). The young attractive blond who spent two hours on her makeup and is wearing a dress just low enough to give those southern gentlemen a preview of the coming attractions (The ticket price varies). The perfectly coiffed politician who is eyeing the young interns, licking his chops like a lion stalking it's prey (Put that thing away, no one is impressed). And we must not forget about the one, over there, standing in the corner. The person who is plotting their next move, next scandal, next story of an affair. This person, this shadowy figure, is deciding who will make it through to November and who will not... Their name? Who knows? And, do we really want to know? Probably best not to know... Which brings me now to sex.. and money...

I recently heard someone say that there are those who enter the political world for two reasons, Sex and Money. While I will be the first to admit that power does, somehow, make a person sexually appealing, even if their physical appearance is mediocre. But as much as we want to run up to certain people and dry hump them (to my surprise, some people don't like you doing this), we must remember why we are here and why we are doing what we are doing. It's simple. We love our state. We love our party. And we want to see South Carolina become a shining beacon of hope and inspiration for the rest of the country. Therefore, we must check our hormones at the door. Hard to do I know (no pun intended), but we must muster the strength and push forward. Now, as far as money, I'll say this... Money. Good. No Money. Bad. But, why on Earth must there always be those opportunists who sneak into every organization trying to rifle through the pockets of the wealthy? Unless your name is Robin Hood, please take your hand out of Andre's pocket and for the love of Paula Abdul, give Gresham his gold watch back. My point, my friends, is this. While sex and money can make you happy (money more so for me), let's keep our eyes on the prize. The prize being huge wins for us, The Republican Party, in November. We need to take our state back, and if we focus on the real issues at hand, we WILL win in November.



In the words of the incomparable John Barrymore, "Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble." And in the words of Mohandas Gandhi, "There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed."

So, my friends, keep this mind... as you travel through the rough seas of the South Carolina political world and encounter those mysterious figures... Friend Today, Foe Tomorrow...

You've been warned....

The Day The Music Died...

The day we have all been waiting for has now, come and gone. Like a summer storm in the land of cotton and cornbread, it was over before we even had time to run outside and dance in the rain. In it's path, a trail of joy and frustration is all that is left behind. Where do we go from here? Onward to victory for the Republican party is the answer. But, how can we leave behind those candidates we have worked so tirelessly for and care about and who did not quite make the cut?

Committing to be a campaign volunteer is so much more than just making phone calls or waving signs. It's about committing to a candidate. A person. This person becomes a main focus for you and where you will direct your time, energy, sweat, and maybe even a tear, as you traverse the campaign trail with them. In order for a candidate to garner this type of support, they must get people excited. Excited about them as a person and about the campaign and all that is involved. While there are many candidates who can do just that, there is one candidate, one man, who can rally the troops like no other....

In walks a man with the southern drawl reminiscent of days gone by, the demeanor of an old friend you haven't seen in years, and a smile that reaches to the farthest corners of a room. His name? Bauer... Andre Bauer... A man who can bring a crowd to their feet and make people stop in their tracks and listen. Andre Bauer has a lot to say and he says it. No matter what. When I was younger, my outspoken nature and opinionated ways often got me in trouble. I've never been one to lay low and keep quiet when something is on my mind. I have always had passion and fire within me and I thought, because of those traits, I could never be accepted in the political world. I don't say the right things, I don't dance around any issue, and I certainly don't care about what people think of me. When I first heard Andre Bauer speak, I realized, there was hope for me. Here is a man who speaks his mind, says what needs to be said regardless of whether the "establishment" may approve or not, and always stays true to himself. Could it be someone like this actually exists in the political realm? The answer is clear. Yes.. And that person is Andre. Could it be I have a new idol now? Someone to look up to and aspire to be like one day? As I take down my poster of Batman and put away the action figures and put up my picture of myself with Andre, the answer is clear...

This is my first year being involved in politics and Andre's campaign is the first I have helped with. It's certainly an experience I will never forget. I am somewhat saddened by the fact that it is now over and I never got the chance to ride around the state on the big ol' Andre bus or get to sit down and talk one on one with the man himself. But I am thankful for the friends I have made along the way and for knowing that I stood up for someone I believe in and took part in the political process instead of just sitting by the wayside.

So now the question is posed, "What do candidates do when they don't win?" Some are struck with feelings of vengeance and regret and, a select few, spread their wings and soar like eagles. Andre Bauer will do the latter. And I for one am excited to watch and wait for what he does next. Whatever it is, it will be great, because he is and always will be.. a great man in my eyes and in the eyes of South Carolina herself.

I would like to dedicate this blog entry to all my fellow Andre supporters across the state. We rallied behind our candidate and, while we may not have won this day, we accomplished something far greater than winning an election. We didn't just talk about change, we did something about it. And I for one, am proud of all of us.

Snapshot, Take My Picture

Last night I had the privilege of attending the Republican Gubernatorial Debate at FMU here in Florence, SC. I am sure there are many bloggers who will write about the details of the debate and comment on who they feel won. Instead I shall do what I do best... tell a funny story.... (Who said politics had to be boring?)

As I stand here, in a dressing room in JCPenney (only the best for me), staring at my reflection in the mirror, I begin to feel the excitement. I will be attending my first political debate tomorrow night. And not just any debate. A gubernatorial debate nonetheless! And I am a man on a mission! If you have seen my Facebook profile, you may have noticed that regardless of how many Republican events I have been to over the last few months, I have VERY few pictures of myself with any candidates. Why you ask? While I may be cute (some would say hot), I am NOT very photogenic. When I get in front of a camera I turn in to Screech from Saved by the Bell. And that's NOT a good thing. Zach Morris maybe.. But not Screech! Come hell or high water, I plan on getting my picture taken with my candidate of choice at the debate, Andre Bauer!! 24 hours and counting..... Will I make it happen? Will I get nervous and run the other way? Will Bret Michaels replace Simon on American Idol?

The day of the debate has arrived and as I am getting ready, I begin to practice my posing in the mirror (Don't laugh. You know you do it too!). Scratching my head.. Trying to remember something... What does Tyra always say on America's Next Top Model? Oh yeah! Model H2T (head to toe) and SMIZE (smile with the eyes). After doing that for awhile in the mirror, I realized something.... I'm a dork. A big fat dork. If there were such a place as Dorkville, I would be elected mayor! So I quit practicing and decided, what the heck, I'll wing it when the time comes (I figured I can always rely on my natural ability to be irresistibly adorable at the drop of a hat). I do one final mirror check, spray enough cologne on myself to start a small brush fire, and off I go to begin my adventure.

I arrive early so I can get up with Matt Robinson (aka: Andre's right hand man) and get my ticket for the debate. Let me tell you a little bit about Mr. Matt. He should teach a class on how to deal with campaign volunteers. In the past several months I have met many paid political staffers and some have been nice, some not so nice, and some just down right nasty. Matt falls in to a category all his own. He has the energy of a 5 y/o, the personality of a rock star, and the cool swagger of a player . His easygoing nature and laid back style draw people in and his honest approach and his appreciation of those who volunteer are what make him a rare commodity in the political world.... A nice guy.

Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, I'm here and ready for the debate! Here's a quick rundown... There were some good answers and some great answers and some obvious answers, but all in all, the candidates performed as I had expected. Gresham Barrett was witty and like able, Henry McMaster was, as always, the quintessential southern gentleman, Nikki Haley tried hard to avoid answering any tough questions about the scandal surrounding her (she even left right after while the other candidates stayed to greet voters) and Andre Bauer was, of course, da man! Direct, concise, straight-forward and honest. An honest politician, you ask? (waits for the gasps from the crowd) Yes, my friends, they do exist albeit they are a rare breed. You may go a lifetime without spotting one, but if you attended the debate last night or watched it on television, you saw one... in Andre Bauer.

Once the debate was over, my good friend Renee Woodberry ( a tall buxom blonde with an appetite for life) grabbed me by the arm and down the stairs we flew towards the candidates like two twisters headed for a small town in Oklahoma (Watch out!). I saw Gresham Barrett (who is WAY taller than he looks on TV), Henry McMaster (who always reminds me of Rhett Butler), and Andre (who looks a lot younger in person). Now I will say this about Renee. She is VERY photogenic and has mastered the art of taking pictures with candidates. She can flash those pearly whites and flip that hair with the best of 'em. So if anyone could get my picture with Andre, it would be the great Renee (bows down to her awesomeness). As I stood in the line with everyone else, waiting... and waiting... and waiting... My nerves a wreck, beads of sweat creeping up on my brow (we're talkin' Whitney Houston flop sweat), and the building excitement within me at the thought of being able to shake the hand of the man who is going to be the next governor of South Carolina. It was my turn. What do I do? Smile? Look serious? Say something witty? I was going to tell Andre a joke I had just heard, "Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?.... He was looking for Pooh.." (Ok, you.. in the back row.. I see you laughing!!!) BUT I figured that may not be the most appropriate thing to do. Before I knew it, Renee said smile and somehow I was standing next to Mr. Bauer. I didn't have time to smile so I did my serious face (doing it now, wish you could see). And poof. Just as it had begun, it was over, literally, in a flash. After the blindness from the flash dissipated and I could once again see, I turned to walk away when I realized I still had my arm around Andre. I regained my composure and returned my arms to my side and off I went back into the jungle (I mean crowd). Andre then smiled and walked away from the crazy guy in khaki.


All in all, I had a great time at my first debate and it's certainly something I will always remember. Just makes you realize how larger than life these candidates are. I can only hope that one day people will look at me the way people looked at these candidates last night. With respect, admiration, and above all.... hope.

PS: Special shout out and thanks to a few members of Team Andre who are exceptionally nice. (I don't typically remember last names so I had to improvise)

Robert (More energy than the Energizer Bunny)

Mark (Super Tall guy in Andre Polo)

John (Guy who dances on top of RVs)


VOTE FOR ANDRE on June 8th!

The Worker

A lot has been said so far in this campaign season about the workers who help make this great state a place people want to live, raise a family, and spend their last days. I was inspired to write a poem about these workers. I hope you enjoy. Thank you.

I humbly stand here before you, tired and broken

My skin stained with the blood of a million hurts


I bear this cross in obedient silence, my solemn words unspoken


I do this not for the man in the mirror, nor his brethren


It's merely one stop along my path to eternal grace


The faces I see along that path, deeply etched in my memory within


I am a worker, deep inside my core, lies the heart and soul of a nation


Along with the hopes and fears, wants and needs of every man, save my God


For we mortals are full of love, hate, joy, sorrow, excitement and frustration


Frustration bred from years of being pushed aside, pushed around and simply forgotten


No more shall we cower in fear nor shall we retreat in defeat,


Many before us have tried to rise up and have failed, their plans misbegotten


Banded together, workers all across this great nation, armed with pure grit and drive


Will give America back to her people, no more time shall be wasted


Our spirits are awakened, in this moment, this place, we have never felt so alive

My Best Friends

I'm sitting in my room, alone. And I start to think to myself. Whenever I feel lonely, tired, depressed, stressed or angry.. Who do I turn to? Which of my friends do I lean on? I finally figured that answer out. My words are my best friends. I can always trust that with them, I can be myself, express myself, and let it all out. Without judgement, without fear. In my life, I have used words to protect myself, defend myself, and, on a few occasions, express my anger.
This got me thinking how powerful words are. They can start a riot or silence a war. They can build people up and tear down barriers. And then I realized that I hold that power, within me. Like my grandmother, who passed away several years ago, I was born with a gift. A gift to affect people with the stroke a pen, or in my case, the stroke of a keyboard. In my recent blog entries I have been a story teller. A witty little man who makes people laugh by turning ordinary events into something over the top and hilarious. But I wanted to take a moment to get serious with you all and let you know why I do what I do. I write because, for me, it's my way to get close to people. I am not the most confident person and I am certainly not the life of a party. I am a simple man. Nothing special. No fancy getaways or clothes. I shop at Wal-Mart and drive a Hyundai and a luxury to me is getting a Combo meal at Zaxby's. But something I do have, that no one else has, is my ability to take the sum of all my life experiences and use those emotions to put down, in writing, words that can make people smile, make people laugh, and maybe even, quietly shed a tear. I can use my words to empower and to enlighten. To share my point of view with the world and to, on occasion, rant.
This year I plan on harnessing this power to help the greater good. Help bring to light the plight that is facing America and, through my words, help give those candidates I feel strongly about, a platform from which to proudly stand. To me these candidates, Andre Bauer, Bill Connor, and Brad Richardson, aren't just men in suits, they are what I hope to be one day. They give me hope, inspiration and listening to them always makes me smile on the inside. If I can only be half the man they are one day, I will be doing pretty good for myself. These candidates, these men, are not just ordinary men. When you are a person who can stand in front of a crowd and make that person way in the back feel as if you are talking to them and only them, you have moved past being just a man. You are are the carrier of the torch. The torch that will bring light once again to these dark days we are facing in this nation. I hope these candidates, when they are sitting alone with their thoughts, realize how much power they hold. When you have the people, you have the world in your hands. Use this power wisely as I will use mine wisely. Together we can change things, one person.... and one word, at a time.

Gone With The Wind.. Literally....

The following is an account of actual events. The persons involved were in serious danger the entire time. Please do not try this at home...

Once in a blue moon, you do something so dangerous, so death defying, and yet... you live to tell about it. Today, my friends, was one of those days. The day started out seemingly normal enough. Slept in, did some grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, and had a really good Bacon Cheeseburger at Hardee's (no, the Cheeseburger was not the dangerous part of the day). As I left Hardee's, I could see in the distance the clouds rolling in. They were charging straight ahead, chasing away what semblance of sunshine was left. I hung my head in disbelief. Why, oh why, must every day I have off from work resemble the movie "Twister" or "2012" with all the inclement weather? Oh Lord, I know I shouldn't have told that woman in Wal-Mart her baby sort of resembled Richard Nixon, but deep down, I didn't mean it! (Ok, maybe I meant it just a little..) So, putting aside the fact that the universe is obviously upset with me, I decided to brave the cold and the rain and the winds to go and do something that any good, dedicated volunteer would do.... I went to fix an Andre Bauer sign that had fallen down out by the airport. Now, ladies and gents, whether the sign fell down on it's own or whether it is the center of some government conspiracy reaching to the highest levels of power, remains to be seen.... (Where are Mulder and Scully when you need them??) I decided to go home and gather some tools...

While at home, I looked for my tool chest. Hmm, where is that thing? I know I put it somewhere? Oh wait.... I don't have a tool chest... So I decided to look for the tools I needed in the next best place. The kitchen junk drawer. You know that drawer in your kitchen that is like the island of lost souls? It's the place that anything and everything that doesn't find a home elsewhere in your house, ends up. I rummaged through the tape, scissors, pens, seven remote controls, dead batteries, and blue blazers ( I am trying to rid the world of them..). YES!! I found a hammer! I also grabbed a hole puncher, a screwdriver, and some cable ties. I packed up my tools in my little Hyundai and off I went to save the world (or in this case, Andre's sign).

As I was driving down the street, I could feel it. I was approaching the scene of this terrible tragedy. It sent a shiver down my spine. The thought of that poor sign, just lying there, getting pummeled by the rain and wind... I could barely stomach it. "Hold on Andre sign, I am a comin' to save you!" As I stepped out of the car, my feet sunk deep into the muddy ground. I walked over to the sign. There it was. Looking so helpless and sad. Like a little kitten who's lost, miles from home. A wiped away a tear, and got out my tools. Upon closer inspection, the damage was worse than I anticipated. The cable ties were broke and the holes in the sign used to attach the cable ties were in bad shape. And the posts that were once "in" the ground, now lay helplessly "on" the ground. Hmm, where to begin? I first dragged it over (a miraculous feat in and of itself) to a huge bush and leaned it up against the behemoth. I pulled out the hole puncher and made new holes. I attached the new cable ties and voila! The sign was once again attached to the metal posts. That was one thing down. But, wait, how in the heck do I get this thing in the ground? Even though the ground was slightly wet, it was still too hard to try and push the posts down far enough that it would be stable. I got out my trusty hammer. I looked at it and thought, hmmm, how do I use this thing? Which end do I hold? Where's the on button? Finally I figured it out. (Thanks to all those years of watching This Old House) All the while, the wind was blowing me from side to side and the rain, which by now was more than just a drizzle, was hitting me like tiny little bricks. At one point, I got blown across the street and landed on the airport runway. I decided, while I was there, to taxi in some planes. Just as I was helping a Cessna 152 up to the terminal, I was lifted off the ground once again and placed gently back over at the sign. Ahh, let's try to hammer this thing back in the ground. I hammered and hammered and hammered.... The posts should be halfway to China by now!!! I bent down to look. What?!? I didn't even make a dent in the ground! I tried once more and still the same. What's wrong, I thought to myself. I inspected the ground and decided it was too hard for a simple hammer. In order for this thing to not fall down again, it needed to be DEEP in the ground. Something I could not accomplish with my simple tools. So I accepted defeat, shook my fists at the sky in frustration, and decided that I could at least place the sign somewhere it would be visible until I could return with an army. I dragged it over, closer to the street, and wedged it in between a tree's branches. This should hold for now. At least people can see it and that's what matters most anyway. I turned around to take one final look at the sign that had beat me. The clouds parted and for a brief moment the sun came out and blinded me. I turned away, shielding my eyes, and when I turned back to the sign, it seemed to say, "Thanks for trying. You did your best". Of course after I turned my back to it, that darn sign flipped me the bird. What the?!? I got back in my Hyundai and off I went. But don't worry, I shall return to save this sign. Next time, though, it will be with an army of, 10,000 men, that will rally behind me to get the job done.

As I pulled into my driveway, I got out my car, knocked the mud off my shoes, and went inside, looking forward to my next adventure. Whatever that may be....

The Sneak n' Giggle

Let me preface this by saying, one thing you will see as a general theme in my posts is what it's like to be involved in the world of politics but as an outsider looking in. And trust me, when you look closely, the political world is full of material worthy of a sitcom! So sit back, grab a coke, a smoke (that stuff will ya) and get ready to take another ride with me as I navigate the great sea that is South Carolina Politics.


My new BFF, Matt Robinson, called me yesterday and asked me if I would attend a political fundraising event here in Florence and man a campaign table for Andre Bauer. I thought to myself, how perfect is this. I was made to man a campaign table. I am young, incredibly good looking (My mom said I am, so there!) and I am well spoken. Without hesitation, I said yes. I started thinking to myself.. Today I am manning a campaign table and tomorrow... well who knows what the future holds for me. Anything is possible..... So I decided to go through my usual ritual whenever I attend any type of event. First things first. Plan my wardrobe. When you are representing the next Governor of South Carolina, you gotta look your best ( I mean have you seen Andre's posse? They look like they stepped out of Political Vogue, if there were such a thing). So I went to my closet, pushed aside the week old pizza and midget wearing speedos (Don't worry, he has a good life) and looked through my endless wardrobe of khakis, vests, and polos. Nope... that won't do..... neither will that..... where did that come from?!? Uggg. Dozens of clothes and yet, nothing to wear. So I decided to pull out all the stops and go shopping at my favorite store for a new outfit.

I got in my trusty Hyundai ( the one with all the political bumper stickers) and headed to the most high end, affluent, and exclusive store in Florence.... Wal-Mart. But not just any Wal-Mart. SUPER Wal-Mart. That's right folks. When it comes to looking my best, I spare no expense. I picked out a new shirt and vest that made me look sophisticated, yet still young and cute enough to attract all those potential voters to my table. Sometimes I think to myself... Self.. Is it fair to the world that I was born with talent, skills, brains, and good looks? Seems almost.. Greedy. But oh well. It's a burden I must carry with me... So, I went, got in a checkout line, and waited and waited.... watched a couple of kids grow up before my very eyes, seasons changed and I grew a beard. So after I finally paid for my stuff, both me and my beard headed home. I handed over my shiny new items to my mother to iron for me. The last time I tried to iron anything, somehow I ended up with one eyebrow and a hairless cat. And I don't even own a cat.... So best to leave the ironing up to the experts. Then my night consisted of watching America's Next Top Model and eating cheesecake. Wal-Mart cheesecake nonetheless. mmmmm. Two thumbs up. Off to bed I went to dream about Cheesecake eating models...

Today, leading up to the event was fairly uneventful. Other than the fact that I had a really good hair day, today. Don't ya just love when your hair does just what you want it to? I mean, that's even better than sex, or so I've heard... So on my new clothes went and after doing a final mirror check, out the door I went. I arrived early and decided to go in and set up my table. As I looked around at the other volunteers standing proudly at their tables, I felt like I was a member of an exclusive club. A club where people, young and old, rich and poor, decide to get off the couch and get out and support the candidates they feel can bring about positive change. Being a volunteer isn't just something you do, it's something you are. You are literally the most important person within a campaign. Because a candidate alone can't accomplish anything without the unwavering support of their dedicated volunteers. Writing a check to give a donation is easy, but donating your time, energy, and skills is something you can't put a price on. As I stood there, ready to hand out t-shirts and bumper stickers, the cast of characters started to trickle in the room....

First, there was this one young man, let's call him Chuck, who I observed carrying out a technique that I feel my readers would love to hear about and possibly learn how to do themselves. It's called.... the Sneak n' Giggle. Here's what you do. You stand in the corner of the room and survey the crowd. You spot a group of important looking people and you make your move. Like a cheetah you creep up on your unsuspecting prey. Swift and silent you move through the room navigating through tables, chairs, and the occasional amateur photographer trying to take your picture. NO, you say to having your picture taken. You are a man on a mission and nothing and no one will stop you. You get closer and closer to this group of movers and shakers. Suddenly you find yourself right inside this group. This is the "Sneak" part of the technique. The next part is the giggle. As soon as everyone else begins to laugh, so do you. But you must laugh hard and loud enough so people notice you. At first they may think, who is this crazy hyena and how did he get in? But then, being the courteous gentlemen they are, they let you stay. You have been accepted into the pack. Be careful though.... One wrong move and they will go for your jugular and you will never be heard from again..... (Check back soon as I will be offering instructional DVD's starring myself)

The rest of the evening went by quickly and I shook my fair share of hands. Even the man himself, Andre Bauer, came over and shook my hand and thanked me for being there (For those of you wondering, he has a very firm handshake. I had to ice my hand afterwards...) My BFF, Matt (Matt doesn't know yet he is my new BFF, but in my head he is....) was telling me about how he had to drive Andre's bus to this event. So for those of you who thought you saw a big blue bus flying down the interstate going down the wrong side and swaying back and forth and men in suits were hanging out the windows yelling, "Help me, Save Me, OMG please make this stop" then you probably had the privilege of seeing Andre's bus en route to Florence...

I packed up my tshirts and stickers and went out to Cici's to eat with Brad Richardson (the next Mayor of Johnsonville) and Jamie Rogers (the future first female president). For $3.99, you can't beat that! So this brings to an end another exciting stop in my journey along the South Carolina political highway. Let me leave you, my friends, with this sentiment... Never arm wrestle Andre Bauer.. He is literally, the Strong Arm of Politics.



PS: Did you know there is such a thing as Midget Professional Wrestling? And the wrestlers have names like Fuzzy Cupid, Short Sleeve Sampson, and Little Beaver.... Why have I not heard of this before and where do I get tickets? I tried asking a member of the Lollipop Guild (he lives behind the dumpster down at the BP Station in case you wanna get an autograph) but he said he didn't know, even after I let him sit on my lap. (Don't judge me.)

Meeting the Man, the Myth, the Next Governor of South Carolina...

Let me first say, welcome to my new blog and thank you for reading my first blog entry!

I have been volunteering for Andre Bauer's campaign for a few months now. I have been a supporter of his for some time now, even before I began volunteering, and I must say, if I ever had any doubts about him, those doubts were silenced when I had the honor to meet Lt. Gov. Bauer during his 24 hour Announcement Tour. And the story goes....

It's just another Manic Monday.. I wish it were Sunday... Ah, my Monday morning was starting as usual. Get up, look in the mirror, scare myself, and then make breakfast. And by make breakfast, I mean put some cereal in a bowl. Milk is optional. I open my can of morning Pepsi (Pepsi is my coffee) and begin to check my email and Facebook. As I turn on my phone to check my messages, what is that I see? A text from the Political Mastermind himself, Matt Robinson. For those of you who do not know, Matt works for Andre Bauer's campaign and I can honestly say he is very passionate about his job and about his candidate. Anyway, I digress... A text? What did it say? It was Matt (aka Mastermind) asking me if I could pick Andre and his peeps (peeps=political posse) up at the Florence airport and take them to Francis Marion and back to the airport. My hands began to shake, sweat started to creep up on my brow.... Here I was already nervous about meeting Andre in person for the first time at his Florence event, but now I was going to be in the same car as him?!? Let me say this.. I am not the type of person who gets nervous about meeting anyone. I am confident enough in myself that I don't let people rattle me. But Andre Bauer is not only a candidate for Governor, he is THE candidate. He is a man I admire, respect, and look up to. So now that the question is posed, what do i do now?...... The saga continues....

A million thoughts began to run through my head. My car is too small, I haven't vacuumed it in weeks (possibly months), am I a good enough driver? So I decided to call my friend who works at the Florence airport and ask about their courtesy van. As he said it was available and that I could use it, I sighed a deep sigh of relief. That was one less worry. So I called Mr. Matt and told him I could do it. If any of you have ever had the pleasure of speaking to Matt Robinson on the phone, you know that he has so much energy on the phone he can instantly put you in a good, enthusiastic mood! Made me start to wonder something.... What would he be like in person?..... So I went on in to work still nervous and excited and hungry (I was so excited I didn't eat my cereal). As noon crept closer and closer, my cubicle became smaller and smaller (not that it was that big to begin with, but you get the point..) I decided to leave early that way I could get to the airport and gather my thoughts and regain my composure. As I pulled up to the terminal, it all became much more real... I started to ask myself... Where are my smelling salts when I need them? I think I am coming down with a case of the vapors....

I decided to check the van out beforehand to make sure it was gassed up and clean (What would be more embarrassing than for the future Governor to sit on an old candy wrapper or step on an open bag of Doritos?) Ok.. Gas.. Check. Half full... Clean... Check.. Smell ok? Ug, not so much. The van smelled of a cross between a thrift store and a homeless man (How do I know how a homeless man smells?... No comment...) I panicked..What do I do? I don't have time to get the van detailed... And unless Andre's posse wanted to sit on each other's laps, my car was out of the question. So I did the next best thing. I ran to my car, almost tripped, saw a squirrel run up a tree, and then I grabbed my bottle of Curve cologne out of my car. I ran back to the van (squirrel looking at me as if I was a crazy man) and proceeded to frantically spray the inside of the van with my cologne. I stepped back for a second and then I got in the van to smell. As I took a big whiff I thought, hmm, not bad. Now it smells like me if I lived in a thrift store. Oh well, it will have to do...

I decided to wait in the lobby so I could see the plane as it landed. I felt like I was in a movie. I kept looking around for James Cameron to yell, ACTION! So I stood at attention by my chariot (aka smelly van) and waited in anticipation for Andre's plane to appear. What is that I see? A bird? No... A weather balloon? No... A hallucination? Possibly... But no... It's Andre's King Air landing. No single engine for this man.. He is flying in style in a King Air. One of the greatest turboprops ever. And then the icing on the cake... As the door lowered, a member of the airport staff ran over and placed... get this.... a red carpet down for Andre and his people to step down on. I literally died. I thought, wow. I am in the big time now! So as his staffers got out one by one, I waited. Andre was on the phone so he stayed on the plane a little longer. Which made the suspense even worse. I was tapping my foot so hard I thought it was going to fall off! As his staffers entered the van, I decided to go ahead and hop in the driver's seat and start the van. Still no Andre. After I turned the key in the ignition, I turned around and there he was, out of nowhere. Andre Bauer...

Everything after that was a blur. He shook my hand and off we went. Andre and his staff were busy bees during the ride to FMU. Between their texting, phone calls, and radio interviews, I was able to catch a glimpse of what life is like for a candidate. Especially a candidate as busy as Andre Bauer! We arrived at Francis Marion and Andre and his staff went inside. I parked my trusty courtesy van and went inside. As I was entering the building, who was at the front door? None other than the Mastermind himself... Matt Robinson. Now I have been dealing with Matt a lot recently since I have been volunteering for Andre's campaign and I must say, it was an honor to finally meet the man himself. He was as I expected. Smartly dressed, upbeat, and full of energy. Andre did his thing inside, shaking hands, talking to voters and giving the people the opportunity to see what a gentleman he is and what a solid and viable candidate he is. Before I knew it, it was over. Time to take them back to the airport...

As I pulled the van up to the massive King Air, I felt both relieved and exhilarated. Relieved because the whole thing went smooth without any snags, and exhilarated because, for the past two hours, I was a part of something much bigger than myself. Here I am, someone who lives an average life, works a regular 9-5 job, and drives a Hyundai, and yet for a brief moment, I was part of Andre's world. A world where time flies and every moment is filled with important decision making and even more important personal interactions. As Andre and his staff shook my hand and one by one got in the plane, I was not only smiling on the outside, but on the inside too. Why? Because I just had the opportunity to see, up close, the future of South Carolina. Andre Bauer is not only a great man.... He is me... He is you... He is..... South Carolina. Thank you Andre and Matt for giving me that experience and I, like so many other South Carolinians, will be standing proud on election night when Andre wins and becomes the next Governor of South Carolina. And not only will I be smiling, so will South Carolina, for she will have someone in charge who will protect her and work tirelessly to ensure she has a bright and prosperous future!